Beginnings and Endings: You must have both

I've realized that I have an obsession with beginnings. I think that many can say that they are the same way, finding our passions peaking at the beginning of a new adventure, at the start of a new book, at the credits before a film. And like many, I often find myself losing fuel when the beginning is no longer the beginning.


I worry myself when I start something new, because as amped up as I am when it is all fresh and exciting, I often lose interest and motivation as the situation progresses.

For example, I try to exercise regularly. Not only am I a sporadic-exerciser altogether, quitting my daily routine after only 2 weeks of solid dedication, but I literally stop running in the middle of my jogs. Maybe I'm not so much someone who obsesses over beginnings as I am someone who never finishes anything. I know that this is literally incorrect, for I have finished things. Take for instance, a sandwich, I will definitely finish that sandwich. Another example, books. I will devote nights and hours to reading a particular book until I convince myself that this other book should be read first (since the movie will be coming out soon or something of that sort). And then the book I have replaced the original book with will cease to reach its ending pages for some other random excuse I make up.

To deepen my argument, one of my favorite quotes is, "And that's when I know it's over. As soon as you start thinking about the beginning, it's the end," by author Junot Diaz. If this does not solidify my resistance to completing anything, than I do not know what does. I am in love with beginnings, but afraid of endings.
I feel this behavior (condition?) is attributed to fear. If I do not finish, there really is no end to me. 

Oh, but there is. I know it. Everyone knows it. I seem to lose interest before I have justifyingly exhausted whatever it is I am not finishing. I was not very much into sports as a kid, so maybe I don't truly know the gratification of winning or ending something. But when I think of the things I have actually completed I feel happy. Still, not happy enough for me to think of in the midst of deciding whether to quit or not.Maybe I have to think of it more as accomplishing something, reaching a milestone, that way my brain is tricked into thinking that there is worth in finishing things; that it is somewhat necessary to complete a step before moving on to the next one.

I do not want to be a quitter anymore. I want to finish whatever I begin with the same fervor that I started it with. Maybe sometimes  it will still be anti-climactic but at least I will feel good about moving on to whatever is next. I think that is where my dissatisfaction comes from, knowing that I am beginning something without having finished my previous endeavor. In this way, there is always a sense of being unfulfilled. I wish to be whole. I would encourage anyone to have gumption and to set out to finish whatever they have started, because at one point, even the idea of beginning it was exciting. Often times we may find that something, whether a new job or a new relationship is not at all what we though it would be, but there is value in pushing through until the end, making a strong finish. You will, if anything, learn something about yourself. You are strong and you are capable.
As I begin this new chapter in my life (I got a new job) I hope to cross more finish lines and hold all the excitement of the start until the very end. whenever that may be.