RKB anniversary

Sometimes it’s really hard to believe how long it’s been, because it still feels so fresh. I remember getting that call from Kels. I knew something was wrong. As I was awakened from sleep, I just knew.

I was told to sit tight, during the weeks before your death. Being an ocean away made it harder, not because I couldn’t say goodbye, I knew you didn’t want anyone around you when you were ready to go, but because I couldn’t be there to hold your boys and to hug my sister as she came to terms with you leaving. The truth was that none of us knew when you’d actually depart, and even after weeks of bad news, I kept thinking that you’d be better and that the doctors would be wrong. So, you left, before I had a chance to believe it.

Tomorrow is the day, and your boys have memorized it well. For them, it came like a slight change in the air, although their lives would be drastically changed forever. Still, the way it happened for them was almost a mystery, as it should be right now.

The hardest times are during sporting events. We watch the families come to support their kids and watch dad’s cheer from the sidelines. I think, to the twins, those are the times that it becomes certain they are without you; because to kids, especially boys, they need that. They need their dads to teach them how to swing a bat, shoot a hoop or run a race. When I watch them in a sea of other kids, who have their fathers, I see that the twins stand out.

This is not to discredit my sister, who is amazing. She would be swinging bats and tossing footballs to them if she could physically do so. She is there for them emotionally. She disciplines with the force of two parents, but is sure to gently nurture their specific needs as it is necessary. I commend her on every level, and at times, when I feel myself peeved by her attitude (as sisters often do with each other) I have to remind myself of everything that she deals with. It truly is a day-by-day struggle, and she has handled herself and the twins with such grace. There truly is no one like her.

I couldn’t have asked for a better brother-in-law or father for my nephews. I see so much of them in you. Rycen looks like you the most, but Rustyn has your sensitivity. While Rustyn has the ability to connect with others, Rycen has the street smarts that will help him survive whatever obstacles come before him. They will both take care of each other. Even if it doesn’t seem like they get along right now, they will always be brothers. They share something more sacred than they’re bond as twins. They each have a part of you in them. And because of that, they will be great.

I still miss you. Hearing your voice from a message or reading our old emails, I often imagine you still here on earth. It doesn’t seem like it’s been two years already. I can’t imagine it getting any easier, even over time, but if sister and the twins can do it, I can too. I just feel like I have a responsibility to be better for them. When the ones you love are directly suffering, it’s harder to mend until they do. Still, they have been growing, slowly. Such situations have the opportunity to make people better or worse. With sister as their guide, they can only be better.

We love and miss you, Rick Botelho.

Love,

Sis